“You also, like living stones, are being built into a spiritual house to be a holy priesthood, offering spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.”
—1 Peter 2:5 (NIV)
Dearest Daughters,
We may ask ourselves what is the ultimate purpose of marriage? In order to understand God’s plan for marriage, we have to look beyond ourselves. God created every relationship with a specific design and purpose.
God, from the beginning, was building a house made with living human souls; this house was for His own presence, just as the Old Testament temple was. His plan was always to dwell within His people, not just among us, but inside of us, inside this house that we are meant to be. And so, in this original design, every relationship had a particular place in that spiritual structure, just as each pillar and stone had a place in the temple. We are, as Scripture says, “living stones,” so we’re chiseled and reduced until we fit together, with the other “stones,” into the temple made for God’s presence (1 Peter 2:5).
According to Ephesians 3:10-11, it’s through this dwelling place, which is His Church, that God makes manifest His wisdom to the principalities of the heavens. That means that our unity in relationships, and especially in marriage become a testimony to angels and powers! Our marriage and love is made to declare: Love always wins over fear, death and pride. It shall forever triumph over the decay of sin, that is rotting so many relationships.
So a godly marriage isn’t just finding “the one” you’re compatible with or who makes you feel complete. Nor is it intended to be our self-fulfillment project; no, the very creation of marriage was for God’s glory alone. It is in this sacred covenant that we can learn to lay down our lives and to submit to Christ, by submitting to His design. Marriage is a place to unlearn self-centeredness and learn how to love with humility, self-sacrifice and transparency, like our Jesus does.
The world tells you to ask: What will this relationship do for me? But the questions we should really ask are: What is this relationship asking of me? In what way would God build His kingdom through my marriage?
If we want to be integrated into the spiritual house that God’s building, we must allow Him to dismantle the selfish scaffolding we’ve built around ourselves, and that can be frightening and uncomfortable, because all temporary supports are gone.
Scripture tells us: “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. . . . As the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:22-24). But godly submission is neither inferiority or blind obedience but rather coming under God’s mission (submission). And when we do this, our marriage becomes a reflection of the transcendent picture of the church in her submitted love to Christ.
Neither is submission reserved for only women. All who follow Jesus are called to mutual submission, to live in such a way that Christ is made visible in how we yield, how we serve, how we forgive and how we listen.
If marriage is a prototype of Christ and His church, ask yourself:
How do I want my church to relate to Christ, and do I exemplify that in my marriage?
Does my marriage reflect the relationship between Christ and His church in the way I honor? In my obedience? In how I Trust?
Does my marriage show the world how deeply the church loves the Lord?
Does it demonstrate the unity Jesus prayed for when He said, “that they may be one . . . so that the world may know You sent Me”? (John 17:21)
The enemy will always go after trust and unity, because his oldest trick is accusation and suspicion. He is the accuser of the brethren and knows that if he can divide the love that God made to be one, he can distort the very image of God, Who is love.
A marriage that is ordered by God can be a living epistle, a testimony of real, sacrificial, enduring love, even a picture of what Christ Himself looks like. A completely surrendered marriage can shine like a window between heaven and earth.
Jesus taught us to pray, “Your kingdom come, Your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.” This must become our daily prayer and posture, in the home, in the heart and in the marriage.
I realize that the world has at times abused the role of women; sometimes even the “church” has. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. When I was nineteen, I traveled to the Middle East and watched stunned as a woman, strapped to the boom of a rotating irrigation pump, trudged in endless circles to draw water to irrigate the fields. Her husband relaxed in the shade, and nearby, the donkey rested under a tree. The shocking image is still stamped in my memory.
There will always be people who use their own power to trample on others, but that’s not God’s design. Just because there will always be those who caricature God’s order, don’t reject the treasure of godly design and submission whenever you seen counterfeits. Submission, rightly understood, is not degrading or lowering of value; it is a demonstration of trust in the One who laid down His own rights, even His own life.
In God’s order, we become a reflection of His radiance instead of showcasing our own brilliance. All relationships in His kingdom are mirrors for His glory, and marriage is one of the clearest of those mirrors.
Submission is always offensive to the flesh, but it sets the spirit of God within us free, and this freedom from our own lordship is a gateway to peace in every relationship.
“The wise woman builds her house,” Proverbs says. “But the foolish one tears it down with her own hands” (Prov. 14:1). So ask yourself: what kind of woman am I becoming?
The kingdom will rise or fall in our homes before it is built up in our churches or communities. If righteousness, peace, and joy are the fruit of the Spirit, then let them begin in you. Let those fruits find root in the soil of your tone, your thoughts, your willingness to forgive. Let them blossom in your daily choices and spread to the children and the man beside you.
If His kingdom is ever to come in the earth, it must come first in your heart and then in your home.
With all my love,
Mom